brrly babbles about socializing pt 2

guys guys guys gusyg usyg sugysg sgudyfsd fok so today i hung out with a lot of people and i stayed silent the entire time and i didnt have an actual cnversation with any of them because tahts just how it is i guess but then i felt really left out but that wasnt their fault but then technially it was my fault btu then i just couldnt say anything iw as siletn and i just yeah but then ehyea and yeah abdnfeandfdanda dnadnad 

then i searched up a video on how to get better at socializing and this video popped up 

and let me just tell you how much this video helped me i felt so sad during the hangout because i couldnt bring myself to say anything and i just felt so stpid and bad and i was gonna cry when i got home but i dnt feel likek crying but i still feel sad but technicalyl im  not really sad becuse its not that big of a deal btu 

i talk a lot a lot in my blogs and i would love to do that in real life but you see i think the reason why i cnat do that isnt because my voice sounds weird or because i cant talk straight or because i stutter its because im afraid!!! not sure why but you know when you wanna say something to someone like the first thought that comes to mind and you're pretty sure it would start a good conversation but then u don't say it because then you just don't because you don't feel like it but then also because it seems like a stupid thing to say especially if you don't talk to the person that much well tahts how i feel 24/7 which is why i dont talk much

or maybe its because i just don't talk much i mean i would love to talk a bunch i have a lot a lot of things to talk about its just because my head goes blank ohhhh wait

ok so its not the fact that im afraid actually no it is my mind goes blank and im afraid 

ok whatever maybe this blog is gonna be a short one because i just lost my train of thought on why im so bad at socializing ok wait 

so im afraid to talk about anything that comes to mind 

butt then im also silent because nothing comes to mind when trying to talk

ok then waht do i do?? are my social skills never going to see the light of day ever again??? am i doomed?? am i meant to suffer?? 

ok wait but if you look at my blogs i have quite a lot of stuff that i can talk about maybe just maybe im in my own head too much i mean im prety confident i think but then im also really shy but then im also outging but then not really but then i RAHHHHH

look i describe myself as an extrovert but then google says that an extrovert is "an outgoing, overtly expressive person." and well you see im not very good at socializing i mean im pretty sure the actual meaning of an extrovert is someone who gets their energy from other people because i learned that from psych2go and research and theyre a whole channel about psychology and stuff like that soooooo and plus someone whos introverted isnt somene whos oveerly shy and stuff like that its just they dont like being around toher people as much as they like being alone

"a typically gregarious and unreserved person who enjoys and seeks out social interaction" ok so this is what it means because google dictionary is stupid so anyways see an extrovert is someone who enjoys and likes being around or talkign with other people and you see i am an extrovert because i love talking to other people but then i do like to be by myself at times so im an ambivert but yeah you get it i just wanted to add that whole extrovert and introvert thing because its interesting and its stupid that people think an extrovert is just someone who is good at socializing i mean come on introverts can be good at socializing too!! okay wait im not insulting people who think that sorry guys IM SORRY i just meant like i think the real meaning of extrovert and introvert should be known well its not really important to know but OKAY whtaeve ri dont care

ok back to the video i got off topic but anyways the video talked about why awkward situations happen so it said that we have a habit of filtering things which means when something pops up in our mind we might not say it because it seems stupid or inappropriate or out of the ordinary or weird or random you get the point

and that is so true i do that too much to the point where i don't even say anything but then that's normal but then i need to get out of the habit of doing it 

you know one day ill be able to socialize and im gonan rule the world and im gonan have to many friends and ill be so cnfident and ill be able to talk to those kids who dont have friends

and then the video said the third tip which is so true it was the pratfall effect so basically your likability increases if you're not perfect and tahts s true

i mean imagine this perfect guy with perfect hair and perfect eyes and perfect everything and he never makes mistakes like i know that sounds dreamy but then compare him to someone who a cute guy whos really clumsy and stupid at times

idk about you but i would def choose the cute and clumsy guy 

people who are perfect seem less approachable and threatening while people who make mistakes or arent perfect seem more humanlike and approachable so yeah mini life lesson make mistakes or people will hate you jk jk that's not what i meant 

i meant that if you make mistakes its ok because making mistakes is normal and humanlike and people will most likely find u more approachable ok well thats not really where i was gonan go but whatever its true its ok to make mistakes!!! 

anyways i think the video helped me a bit and i wanted to write this blog to keep track of my social life because i know one day ill be able to socialize and i want to look back at the days where i was really bad at socializing

what if when im good at socializign i wont write this blog anymore??? oh please oh plase dont leave me kimberly dont leave me for the social life noooooooooooooooooooooooo

i wonder if anybody actually still reads these blogs and genuinely finds them interesting i mean i would love if you guys actually read these and found them intesreign because it makes me feel less lonely and like think of it as a conversation im talking to you except you cant respond to me in live time or whatever 

i mean technically this blog isn't even meant for you guys to read except it kinda is because i would really like it if you guys read this but then im not really writing this for you guys but then technicalllyyyy i am but then not really but then you know 

its like when you guys read this its like you're listening to me talk and that would really help my social skills not really because how would your guys' attention help me speak better actually no that makes sense btut hen idk whatever 

also i show and reveal a lot of my personality in these blog posts it would be great if you guys could notice and understand who i am it would strengthen our bond i mean come on im not here to have a 4 month friendship im here to have a long lasting bond i swear every friend group im in lasts like 4-6 months and then im out i mean its not because we have like drama or something i just think its because i don't open up completely to a lot of people and most of the friend groups i've been in i have a different personality in each like its not like im two-faced its just that i don't talk as much in some friend groups or i try to have different humor in some friend groups or whatever and then i end up not really fitting in

its also because when im in a friend group that i dont open up to  a lot they don't understand me as a person as much and that affects our relatoinship like not in a bad way i mean like im not able to talk to them like i usually would with my close friends

did you know this blog thing is actually public meaning some stranger could read this if they wanted to?? i dont know how to make it unlisted or wahtever but i doubt some "stranger" who i actually know will ever read this

plus technically these blog posts arent actually professional blog posts like actual blogs its just me ranting and putting out all my thoughts but whatever

anyways thanks for reaidng im writing another blog post so im not saying goodbye because this isnt goodbye unless you don't feel like reading the other blog post but whatever im still not saying goobdye