i felt like writing another blog and i thought this would be able to fit in the other blog post i mean like technically there's no limit to how many words you can put in one blog post but i didn't want you guys getting confused and plus im going to go on a long talk on books and chemistry and science and WHATEVER I FEEL LIKE TALKING ABOUT SO WOOHOO 2 BLOG POSTS IN ONE DAY
DID YOU GUYS KNOW I FINISHED 2 BOOKS IN 2 WEEKS!!! IM NOT VERY CONSISTENT AT READING OR FINISHING BOOKS AND IM JUST SO AJSFJAF but then they weren't high level books and i try to read high level books so i can feel smart and seem smart to other people because i love seeming smart because being smart is a great trait to have and balh balh BUT WHEN I READ HIGH LEVEL BOOKS THEYRE SO LONGGG AND THEN THERES WORDS I DNT KNOW AND I USUALLY NOTE THEM DOWN BUT THEN I DONT WANNA STUDY SOME STUPID VOCAB WRDS THAT I WILL PROBABLY FORGET IN THE FUTURE and then the story is interesting but then the books are so long like 1000 pages and i would love to read 1000 pages and stuff and i love analyzing books but then i just want to be able to enjoy the story without having to force myself to learn
i WANT to enjoy the book and read it without trying to be a smartie butt hen i feel like im missing out on learning and then i get sad for not learning
i wonder if i want to be an artist or a musician or something like that in the future i mean i love art and all but honestly i feel like becoming a scientist or a computer scientist (a coder) or a college professor
let me explain the college professor before you judge me OK SO philosophy is really darn interesting and i also like to teach others and i also like to talk and YOU KNOW WHAT COLLEGE PROFESSORS DO?? THEY GET TO TEACH AND TALK ABOUT WHATEVER THEY FIND ITNERESTING AND MOST PHILOSOPHERES ARE COLLEGE PROFESSORS!!! AND IF I WANTED TO WRITE BOOKS AS A COLLEGE PROFESSOR I WOULD STILL BE ABLE TO
and currently i don't feel that interested in art that much and i feel like i have so much more potential IM NOT SAYING ART IS LIKE A LOWLY JOB OR SOMETHING its just i don't think art really expresses me that much anymore
like i know i said i said art is great at helping me express myself but then i don't know i don't think art is right for me
i love and admire art and its a very important thing to me, its just not really what i find interesting anymore
i wonder why im not interested in art anymore maybe its because im not good at art or maybe its because im not good at expressing my ideas in art or because im just not interested in art anymore
but come on there has to be a reason right?? OR MAYBE ITS BCEASUE OF THAT STUPID SCIENCE NERDY ROMANCE BOOK I READ
THAT IS SUCH A STUPID REASN TO WANT TO BECOME A SCIENTIST I SWEAR I GENUINELY HAVE A PASSION AND INTEREST IN SCIENCE AND WHAETVER PEOPLE DO IN SCIENCE
OH MY GOSH I COMPLTELY FORGOT BUT I DOWNLODADEd THESE 3 PDFS THAT HAVE LIKE 100+ PAGES ON CHESMISTRY AND IM TAKING NOTES ON THEM WHILE I READ THEM SO I CAN TRY TO HAVE A HEADSTART IN SCIENCE AND CHEMISTRY AND SO THAT I CAN WORK HARD FOR GETTING INTO COLLEGE
AND THERES ONE THATS 900+ AND IM SO EXCITED TO START GETING INTO THAT ONE BCEUSE IT HAS PICTURES AND ITS PUT IN THIS FORMAT WHERE I DONT GET DISTRACTED EASILY AND IM SO EXCITED TO READ IT AND FEEL SMART
also i feel like becoming an author yes the reason is because i love books nad reading but its also because i have a huge imagination that i would love to share with other people
i have so many ideas and stories that i could make up but then i don't know how to properly write essays and stories and i don't have a huge vocabulary so i guess that dream isn't coming true but oh well
alright so continuing on with the chemistry thing because i would love to talk about the chemistry pdf thing i found so its a textbook that i think people use in college since its such high quality and im using Microsoft edge to highlight important parts and i just just erase the highlights whenever i want and im so GRATEFUL I FOUND THIS TEXTBOOK BECAUSE I USUALLY DONT KNOW WHERE TO START WHEN RESEARCHING there's like so many things you have to know before jumping into other interesting things and its all so confusing especially when you just search up on google something like the periodic table and you have no idea what the numbers or chemicals on the table mean
which is why i searched up "chemistry basics pdf" to actually start on chemistry butt hen im not sure if that's a good idea or not i mean what if i just skipped a whole grade of science and skipped to chemistry and what if now id don't know anything its talking about?? which is why im so worried about jumping into the chemistry textbook but its also because im not sure if ill be able to understand it i mean its the basics for a reason but then im not sure how to study without an actual teachers guidance i mean i tink ur supposed to write down likeeee
"im going to learn about......(insert something about chemistry)" and then like separate your notes into different lessons but then what if i note down the wrong things???!?!? what if im noting down TOO MUCH!??!? but then it doesn't matter that much as long as im learning
there's also this one pdf that i downloaded and i think its the slides from one of the teachers at this highschool that's not even in California and its the second chapter of chemistry so i tried finding the 1st chapter but oh well i think ill just start with the second chapter
ok this is like 2 days later after writing the top part so i took some notes on the beginning lessons of the textbook and let me tell you it was the most boring thing on earth
did i learn anything? kind of
do i wanna do it again? never
will i use this ever again in my future of chemistry and science? probably not because this was like basic knowledge
BUT I DID LEARN SOME NEW VOCAB WORDS!!! also I've been skipping some lessons and i think i have to read all the lessons butt hen i cant focus when something is boring so then i like read really slowly and then i end up not processing what i just read
i don't know if i actually want a career in chemistry i mean i don't even know anything about it which is why im currently trying to study it and take notes on the basics but i wanna do something with science so i could possibly make a change and maybe discover something new!! i want t make a change in the world so i can feel important because i want to feel important but then i also don't know what i want to change in the world and what needs to be changed i mean a lot of things need to be changed but i don't know what to focus on currently
but oh well i think ill just continue studying the chemistry textbook ALSO how does one actually take notes?? i mean i know i said im taking notes but really im just writing down the vocab words and steps of some specific formula or something and nothing else because i don't know what else to write down
so far its only talking about stuff like numbers and measurements and scientific notations and giga- and milli- and stuff like that and significant numbers and MATH
apparently chemistry is actually a combination of math and science i think idk i read it somewhere when reading an article on why chemistry is relevant because i want a job that is actually relevant and interesting i mean chemistry SEEMS interesting but in reality i actually have no idea what chemistry is i mean i know its about the study of chemicals and yeah that sounds interesting but how and what does that do
i think something about the universe and space and stuff would be more interesting although i don't know what type of science thats called or is that astronomy IDK i wanna do something that's with like parallel universes and about the mysteries of the universe i wanna discover something new and i wanna know if aliens exist or if parallel universes really do exist or how time works or how gravity works or whatever BUT I DONT REMEMBER WHAT ITS CALLED
i wonder if everything in the universe is in harmony or is meant to happen
am i meant to suffer in my middle school years so i can actually enjoy high school and be grateful that i have tons of friends and that im pretty and have good grades and that im successful or whatever
am i meant to feel the pain of being stuck at home 24/7 so that in the future when im able to go wherever i want whenever i want ill feel so much more grateful??
or am i just suffering for no reason because THIS IS PAINFULLY PAINFUL YOU KNOW UNIVERSE COULD YOU MAYBE SPEED UP THE PROCESS A LITTLE?? I HAVE NEVER BEEN THROUGH THIS TYPE OF SOCIAL LIFE STUFF BEFORE AND ITS SO FRUSTRATING
i used to LOVE GOING TO SCHOOL ALL THE TIME BECAUES I LOVE LEARNING FIRST OF ALL BUT BECAUSE I LOVED SEEING MY FRIENDS!!! AND NOW IC ANT DO THAT ANYMORE BECAUSE I HAVE LKE 3 FRIENDS AND IM SO LONLEY AND THEN I LOVE SCHOOL THOGUH BUT THEN ITS ALL SO dfgihojhgkjf
how am i going to last another year in middle school when I've only made like 3 new friends in the span of 6 months??? how am i going to grow my social life if all i do all day is read stupid books and spend my time MOURNING over the fact that i made the worst decision of my life which was to go to this school instead of that other one??
YOU KNOW I COULDVE ACTUALYL CHOSE TO GO TO that other school BUT NO!!! i decided not to because i thought my school would have better education and i mean i love the education at my school but my mental health is slowly dying because i have no friends at all
technically i do but i don't talk a lot with them and i feel so lonely most of the time BUT im still very grateful for them butt hen sometimes i do wish i was a loner and that nobody actually knew who i was because to tell you the truth i would probably be happier if i didn't have any friends because then i could just restart everything and make friends from scratch and it would be like starting a new chapter in life but NO
i completely forgot this blog was supposed to be about chemistry and science my bad my bad i mean technically this istn even about chemistry and science its just me talking about chemistry and science except im not really talking about it and im just saying things about it like im not teaching you guys about it really because i don't know anything about it but im genuinely interested butt hen i don't know anything yet but then WHATEVEr
DID YOU GUYS KNOW I SPENT LIKE 3 HOURS STUDYIGN TODAY BUT THEN I DIDNT EVEN GET ANY HOMEWORK DONE THATS SO STUPID
ok goodnight im gonna go on another rant of why you guys should be grateful when i feel like it i think im gonna end up adding that in every blog post from now on because the thing i thin about everyday is the fact that im not at that other school
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