brrly babbles about the chem test that she's taking tomorrow

guys i am incredibly stressed i can literally feel the pimples on my face forming right this second. and its not just cus of stress its also cus i touched my face a lot today and i cant stop touching my face its a bad habit but whatever the only thing im focused on right now is that test and im so stressed im so so so stressed. 

i feel prepared and ready but you never know whats going to hit you on a test and i feel like i dont know what i dont know and what if the thing i dont know is gonna be on the test because i didnt know that i didnt know it in the FIRST PLACE!!!!!!!! the dunning kruger effect is present everywhere bro i cant escape. ever since we learned about it in english ive recognized it everywhere but anyways im writing this blog post to let out my stress and focus on getting some sleep. 

today is the last day of winter break and i couldnt be more depressed. i just want to stay home and work on my own projects and learn at my own pace because school is so boring and we go so slow and i dont want to interact with people and that sounds antisocial and like im a weirdo but no im just tired and i want time to myself. and plus when i get home im still stressed from school and i dont know what to focus on and i feel like i waste my time every day and i just dont want to feel that stress again like i genuinely dont want to do this right now dawg pleaseeeeee. 

like the biggest thing that stresses me out about school is how much time i spend at school and working on homework. i stay at school from 7:30am to at least 4:00pm every day and then i spend at least 3 hours on homework unless i did some during school hours. and then i have some free time to myself starting at around 8:00pm but i have a lot of extracurriculars and lets just say im not very good at focusing on one thing at a time which is why i have so many extracurriculars. i think the main reason why i cant focus on anything at this very moment when i could be working on something else like studying or preparing for sleep is because im extremely stressed and im in like a trance state where i need to calm down before i do anything else or im going to break and then die. i never rant to anyone about my stress because to be honest other people's comfort doesn't really help me and i just have to pretend like i'm okay after ranting when i'm not really because when i'm stressed i go into long talks about it and i don't want my friends to have to listen to me rant for probably at least an hour before i calm down because nobody have the energy for that which is why i rant to this blog instead since nobody actually reads it and because i can say whatever i want without someone else's input ruining my train of thought.

oh my gosh i have a quiz for comp sci as well i completely forgot im actually going to start crying because i have a B in comp sci too and this quiz is likely very very important and oh my gosh its over its actually over i cant do this anymore like dawg i try to be optimistic but when im stressed i cannot be optimistic and its very hard to control your thoughts when youre stressed as many of you probably know because all of us have been stressed before of course of course of course! the quiz is on recursion and the topic itself shouldnt be that hard but when we did some progress checks WAIT WAIT WAIT OH MY GOSH I THINK ITS ACTUALLY ON TUESDAY NEVERMIND PLEASEEE please please please at least ill have time to study tomorrow because i dont have that much homework since i completely a lot of the chem homework for this week and next week over break.

oh my gosh and finals are soon guys i really dont want to take my finals because that is the most important test that determines whether or not i have a B or an A on my transcript. i dont even know why its that important to me because i will go to college no matter my grades and i will surely be successful if i work hard enough but i feel like a failure if i dont have perfect grades and at the end of the day when im not stressed i really dont feel like a failure but its just that im really stressed right now and it feels like if i get a B itll feel like the end of the world and thats just how im feeling in the moment so im a bit irrational and a bit jittery and whatever man 

and the reason why im even stressed for chem is because i want to prove to myself that im not stupid and that i can in fact earn an A on at least one test. the highest grade ive gotten on a test is an 89.5% and it just hurts my pride that i havent been able to achieve an A. i studied a lot more for this test than i did for the last ones so hopefully i do get an A for my hard work because i am literally about to start crying at this very moment

okay bye everyone ive partially calmed down and i need to go to sleep so i actually pass the test tomorrow wish me luck i will update you guys when i get my score back!!!!!!!!!!