brrly babbles about going to college and finals

HEY GUYS i haven't posted a blog post in a week but i am here to update you all with my life because i feel like my friends don't really share the same interest in whatever topic i want to talk about most of the time so to get out my words, i shall write them in this blog post!!

anyways, the title does not implicate what you think it does. i am not going to college. i am literally a highschool sophomore. BUT i really want to go to college. i want to have freedom over my schedule instead of going to school for 7 hours a day. im grateful for my education but at the same time, i wish school was more interesting and that i learned...more??? i don't know i'm not trying to be cocky or anything cus some of the topics that i learn in ap chem are kinda hard to understand (for me at least), as well as math and sometimes comp sci. IDK i guess i'm just impatient and wish we could get to the hard stuff when we're going at this pace so i can build a strong foundation BEFORE i get into the hard stuff. for example, chemistry. i went into ap chem without taking a year-long chem class before hand and the only chem experience i had was over the summer, and we went very fast over the summer. i think my lack of experience in chem made my foundation weak so now when i try to apply foundational concepts to new concepts that we learn, i struggle to find the connection. i think i should review my foundational concepts if i want to pass the ap chem test and to pass the class with an A. im not worried abt that tho cus my teacher gives a lot of extra credit.

okay but anyways i really just want to have freedom over my schedule and i understand that school is important so im not going to complain about the fact that i spend 7 hours of my day at school, but i want to feel free! i want to go places and explore campuses and different cities! i want to learn interesting concepts and be able to make my own money so i can buy whatever little figurines i want! and i especially want to do very hard math!!!! 

i've been feeling this way ever since i went to this college campus for a race with my cross country team. after we finished the race, we went to the plaza across the street and there was a target and so much yummy food and the campus was also really nice. like i was imagining what it'd be like to have a target and yummy food and a miniso just a walk away from campus and WOW i really want that. i want that freedom and maybe im just in need of dopamine but yeah!

im also kinda scared tho because when i do go to college i wont be with my mom and im an independent person but my mom is like the only person i cant be independent from because well she takes care of me and is the reason i am still alive today but also just because i worry about how much time she has left until she leaves me permanently

okay now moving on from college cus i want to talk about finals week!!!!! my finals are next week and honestly i'm not scared cus none of my grades are dependent on the final exam so thats good, but i also want to prove to myself that i'm not stupid and that i know how to study. i really want an A on the chemistry final exam because i haven't gotten a single A on any of the chem tests so far this semester. with extra credit it's an A, but my highest score was like an 89 and it was like a point away from being an A and it upset me SO MUCH but its whatever i will do much better on the final. i hope so at least but i really really want to prove to myself that i am better than i think i am and i trust that i will be able to. 

i took another chem test recently and i did pretty bad on it. like i got a 77% on the mcq even though i thought all of my answers were correct. usually i know when i've gotten a bad score because i'm smart enough to know that my answer isn't correct, but when i think my answer is correct and it's not, that means i don't know the concept or understand it enough to understand why my answer is incorrect!!!!!!!! GOSH it's whatever man. 

HOWEVER!! i did take a comp sci test today and i am absolutely CERTAIN i got 100% like i studied some questions online yesterday before the test and the concepts were pretty similar so i am very very sure i got 100% unless i made one silly mistake which would be absolutely horrible because i need 100% on this test to get an A in the class. well to gurantee that i get one anyway. just one point down could mean an 89.99 percent which is HORRIBLE!!!!!

i also want to post more study content on my channel just to motivate myself to study which i will probably do during finals week! i just record myself studying and it forces me to lock in or else the camera will see that i am not locking in and its like someone is watching you do your work and making sure you're on task which is PERFECT! 

anyways guys i got a 69% on my math test and wow. my grades have just been getting worse and worse dawg oh well im gonna go study i think this is my sign to study bro like ive never ever gotten a score like this on any math assessment EVER not even in elementary or middle school or freshman year bro its actualyl over i ened to study goodbye everyone