brrly babbles about being the best and writing..idk

hello everyone and welcome back to another brrly babbles blog post!! today im going to be talking about being the best and one of the greats because i think i should write more blogs reflecting on myself since self-reflection is important in critical thinking and self-improvement. well actually i dont know if its important in critical thinking i kind of just assumed it is because when you're self reflecting you're digging deeper into your mind and thoughts and you're making connections that you would've have otherwise if you weren't self reflecting. self reflection also probably helps with communication skills since you're thinking deeply and getting your thoughts in order therefore letting you communicate your thoughts more clearly WELL that's how it is with me sooooo

ANYWAYS lets dive into the topic of achievement and ego also guys i didn't know you could add title headings and change the font so i'm going to be changing the font of all my blog posts

Achievement and Ego

i was watching these TEDx videos, specifically ones with teenagers, and i feel so inferior like when will my scientific breakthrough happen? i read some articles about these teenagers who are already coming up with science innovations and are doing research with professors and i just don't know how they do it and it makes me really sad like i just want to be one of the greatest!!! when that thought of being great popped into my head i decided to do a little self-reflection. why do i want to be great guys??? why wouldn't i be happy with a 9-5 job that pays me well? why would making a small contribution to my community make me feel so inferior to everyone else who would also be making the same sized contributions???

i think the reason for my longing of being great comes from my need to be better than everyone else. i have like insanely bad problems with envy and i think it stems from the fact that as a kid i had no contributions to society and i'm also a very competitive person. i was also exposed to a lot of kid geniuses on the internet and the competitiveness in me got the best of me and fueled my need to be better than everyone else. i guess that hasn't gone away because i still feel the need to be in the top 1% in everything i do. 

i also think this contributes to my jealousy issues and before you say anything, NO!!!! ENVY AND JEALOUSY ARE NOT THE SAME THING!!! envy is more about wanting to have something that someone else has while jealousy is more about feeling like your role or position in something is threatened, such as in a relationship. anyways while i was doing the self-reflection stuff inside my head i connected the dots and realized that my two seemingly distinct problems of jealousy and the need to be better than everyone else were actually one big fat problem of insecurity!!!

i seem to think that by doing some big fat scientific breakthrough ill be able to overcome my feeling of insecurity and i'll be happy and confident and whatever but since i'm a smart and logical little girl i've come to the conclusion that that's not the solution and i have to dig deeper into my emotions to overcome this feeling am i right guys! that's actually why i'm writing this blog post it's like my personal diary. i mean i could be writing in my journal right now but i like the format of blogs and i also like personalizing the way it works AND i really like the way my blog looks because its cute! also i type really fast so i'd rather get out all my thoughts super quickly instead of thinking quickly and writing slowly because then it interrupts my thought process. 

did you guys know i won this running competition when i was in like 1st grade and i lived in new york?? like i dont even remember how i won i just ran when they told me to go and i gapped like EVERYONE GUYS im actually too good im literally destined to be a track star am i right guys. but like thats honestly my only achievement guys. you know what im going to write out all my achievements to make me feel better about myself

• completed cs50x
• science award in middle school (its not that prestigious)
• scholar with distinction in middle school aka 4.0 gpa throughout all years
• presidential award in... elementary....guys this list isn't looking so good
• i was featured in a newspaper for my art in 1st grade????? i dont even draw anymore tho so uhm

you know what guys its all about the present not the past! i will continue to work hard!!!!! anyways im going to talk about this essay im writing for a competition because it kind of ties into the subject but i also just don't have anything else to say about this specific topic

Writing

the essay competition is for EngineerGirl and the topic is the secret life of everyday objects. i have to write an essay about the engineering process and life cycle of an everyday object and i also have to make it interesting. the thing is im like really trash at writing essays. actually i should stop being pessimistic! i have great writing abilities am i right guys?? personally i think my writing skills aren't at their peak right now because i don't exactly...you know...write a lot. like i guess this blog counts but 1. i barely post and 2. i don't use academically formal language in my blog posts so it's not exactly the right place to practice my academic writing. but anyway i hope that by participating in the competition i can do a little more self-reflection and find out why writing is so hard for me while also learning about the engineering behind laptops which is what i chose to write about

i think i'm good at writing but since i doubt my abilities so much i doubt second-guess myself and end up writing poorly. also i don't really practice using advanced vocabulary or experimenting with sentence structures therefore making my writing less engaging and too simple. maybe i'll start writing for fun guys!! TECHNICALLY this is writing for fun but i'll write academically for fun! maybe i should write a whole essay as a blog post with grammar and punctuation and capitalization and EVERYTHING! #studious #iamgoingtobethebestwriter

also i was thinking of getting back into reading daily! in elementary school i read a LOT like a LOT A LOT like i finished like 2 books a week. i think its because of my need to be better than everyone else by getting more AR points (if u know what that is) than everyone else and that motivated me to read a lot. anyway i will get back into reading in order to introduce myself to topics that i might be more interested in by reading nonfiction books and textbooks. by reading more i can improve my vocabulary and also practice my writing style and skills by consuming multiple styles of a variety of authors!! also ill read more magazines since books are usually written narratively and usually for school i have to write informative/ non narrative papers. 

okay guys i am going to read now! thank you for listening to my blog post also im a little too lazy to make a photo for the blog cover so ill make it when i feel like it which is likely in a month or so. i hope that by reading this you guys also went into self-reflection and thought about your ego and confidence because that's what this blog is for! to put you guys into a pensive mood and a state of deep thought! okay guys goodbye i dont want to write anymore